


Like a shop window

by honeyflower_bellybower



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Emotions, Episodes, M/M, Past Lovers, Slight Smut, but it was never really over, but nothing explicit, reggie is the best friend ever, willie and julie are over it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyflower_bellybower/pseuds/honeyflower_bellybower
Summary: "Just, I hate that you have to go through this because of me, and my anxieties."Luke shook his head slowly, grabbing Alex’s hand with both of his. "Coming clear is not a walk in the park, Alex, you’re not making a fuss. You’re getting ready for a very difficult step in your life, and you need to be sure before taking it."They were so close, so intimate in that position, if anybody had seen them their secret would have been immediately screwed. But when Alex tried to pull back, Luke pulled him closer instead, and made their foreheads collide."Just know, Alex, whenever you’ll be ready I’ll be there for you."
Relationships: Alex & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 148





	1. I'll be there for you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So, this is something similar to a walkthrough, short episodes of Luke and Alex's relationship. This first part is from the 90s, all the rest is 2020. I tried to keep them as connected as I could, so bare with me if some are a bit out of context.

1994, LA

It was a nice afterparty.

Only a few people remained, all dressed in shiny fancy clothes. All of them had been quite drunk already, and now were just on the edge of falling asleep standing.  


Well, not all of them. There were some, four young boys specifically, who didn’t look like they belonged there at all. The shiniest part of their outfits were the chains hanging down their jeans or leather jackets, and they had been drinking way less than the others.  


The boys were the band Sunset Curve, who had played at the actual party, and had been invited last minute to that aftermath. Not that it would have changed much if they had been given notice; they were really fond of their style, and none of the girls complained.  


They were perfectly comfortable, blended among people they had never seen before, and who clearly belonged to a different class, sliding on the dance floor with glasses half full of random alcohol they didn’t really enjoy.  


They weren’t really dancing, it was more small talk and moving fluently at the chill beat of the recorded music. It had good acoustic, but the boys found it a bit boring. What they did appreciate about afterparties, though, was the possibility to make people like them. If they wanted to emerge, that was essential, and they were quite good at it.  


"So, is this what you do for a living? Rocker?" The girl who was slouching in front of the lead singer didn’t seem very intelligent. She had very pale hands, but her face was a totally different color, and the boy feared if she touched him, his shirt would be ruined. She laughed at her own question, and he forced a smile.  


"Well, that’s what I hope." He answered, but the girl didn’t look like she was listening. She bit her lower glossy lip, leaning closer to the boy.  


"Luke." She wandered, crossing her finger through his chest following the music. "That’s a name for a player." She said that as a provocation, letting her intent clear and bright. But Luke was not a player at all, and he just wished something would come to save him from that situation.  


"Oh, no, not really, I-" He tried to explain, but the girl’s giggle shut him up, so he supposed it would have been better to just drop it. He breathed a fake laugh, and went along with the girl’s movements. She came closer, so he laid his hands gently on her hips, both to be nice and to keep her away.  


He cleared his throat. "So, huh, did you enjoy our music?" He asked, hoping maybe he could keep the subject professional, letting the girl know he wasn’t interested.  
But again, the girl didn’t look very intelligent.  


She glanced at him with a weird smile, as if he had just made a cutely dumb joke and she was asking him to be serious. Then she curled her fingers around his neck and pressed a kiss on his lips.  
It didn’t last long. He widened his eyes, and pushed her away delicately from his hold on her hips. She looked quite disappointed for a second, then decided she didn’t really care and went back to dancing. Slightly confused, Luke pretended nothing happened too, stepping back a little.  


Truth is, normally, he wouldn’t have minded allowing her a kiss. He was outgoing, confident, and perfectly aware of his charm, and as much as he was really not a player, he didn’t repel casual contacts during parties like that one.  
Let’s be true, he was an attractive teenage leader of an emergent rock band.  
But he was loyal, too, and taken.  


Well, nobody was allowed to know that, except of course for him and his pairing, who was unluckily assisting at that same scene, from the other side of the room.  
There, on a small couch covered in terribly tacky golden leather, was resting another member of the Sunset Curve. He had grown rather tired, almost annoyed by that meaningless music, which he found was absolutely missing a rhythm. Well, he was a drummer after all.  
He laid back, hands stuffed in the pocket of his purple hoodie, as still and relaxed as if he were asleep. But he was very much awake, and had followed Luke with his eyes since the very moment he’d sat.  


He usually enjoyed watching him from afar, to observe who he was with others, with strangers. Luke appeared to people as very natural and open, but Alex knew a version of him with many more colors, and that was a source of pride to him.  


When the girl approached him, he could do nothing about the narrow sting that he felt. He knew he couldn’t have Luke to himself in public, and adding to that they weren’t supposed to refuse dancing or chatting with the hosts. That would have been extremely counterproductive for the band. Still he wished, for whatever reason, that Luke turned her down. He didn’t.  
So Alex suppressed his jealousy in beer, which he found disgustingly bitter, and just kept watching. Same he did when he saw her kissing him, and Luke pushing her away.  


When the afterparty was finally over, Alex had been outside for quite some time already. He was sitting in the front porch, clustering in his hoodie for some warmth. It was the middle of the night, but the light coming out of the windows covered the whole yard.  


"Hey."  


He didn’t know how much time he’d spent sitting there, when a familiar voice came from his back. Together with it, a soft coat was laid on his shoulders. It hadn’t been worn, so the voice was actually warmer than it.  


Luke sat next to him, while the noise inside started to wane. The music was turned off, people started recoiling glasses and bottles. They were leaving.  


"Hey." Alex replied. He hadn’t spoken a word in a while, so his voice came out more quiet than he wanted to.  


Luke moved his head around stiffly, checking on eventual spooks, then settled closer to him, his thigh almost over Alex’s. He locked eyes with him discreetly, and helf-crossed his pinky and ring fingers with his.  
"You alright?" He asked, softly. "You haven’t been very active tonight."  


Alex smiled weakly, interlocking their fingers properly. "I’m fine. Just tired. And you know I’m not into this kind of parties." He shrugged. "I can play wherever you want, just don’t invite me."  


Both laughed quietly, relieved for a second. Then Luke lost confidence again, letting his look fall while he played absentmindedly with Alex’s fingers.  
"Listen, uhm," he hesitated a bit, and Alex quickly understood what he wanted to tell him. "before, that girl, Lucila I think is the name, uhm, she… k-kissed me, while we were dancing." He had a sudden jolt of energy, and turned to face Alex. Luke squeezed his hand and widened his eyes, to show Alex the truth inside them. "But I pushed her away, obviously, I didn’t-"  


"I know." Alex said. He smiled briefly, then it died out. "I saw."  


Luke grasped the air for words, but couldn’t find them.  


"It’s not your fault, I don’t care about that." Alex explained, reassuring him.  


Luke let out a sigh. “I was so worried you were going to be angry.” He whispered, relieved. But to Alex it wasn’t as simple as that.  


He gestured as to lift his hands to gesticulate, but Luke’s kept them down, so he looked at him in the eye instead, trying to be clear about how he was feeling. "It’s just, I hate that you have to go through this because of me, and my anxieties."  


Luke shook his head slowly. "Don’t say that, it’s not that bad. We can outlive this situation, it’s temporary." Seeing Alex didn’t look convinced at all, Luke decided on a more direct approach. He moved on the bench so that he didn’t have to turn to face him, and laid his hands on his thighs. "Coming clear is not a walk in the park, Alex, you’re not making a fuss. You’re getting ready for a very difficult step in your life, and you need to be sure before taking it."  


He got himself closer to Alex, crossing their legs together to fit. He slid a hand behind Alex’s neck and held Alex’s fingers with the other. They were so close, so intimate in that position, if anybody had seen them now their secret would have been immediately screwed. But when Alex tried to pull back, Luke pulled him closer instead, and made their foreheads collide.

"Just know, Alex, whenever you’ll be ready I’ll be there for you."


	2. Like you used to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: in the first chapter is said that nobody knew about Luke and Alex's relationship. Eventually, somewhen before they broke up, Reggie (and Bobby too) discovered or they told him.

2020, LA

"Guys, hear this out." Alex called, twisting a stick in one hand before getting head on into a full charge drums solo he had been working on for a while.

He usually wasn’t very showy about his potential, but he was quite proud of that specific series, and felt confident enough to expose it to his bandmates. It was truly good, and would have worked perfectly with a little support from Reggie’s base line.  
Alex was clearly having fun playing it, swinging his whole body up and down to the rhythm, his bright smile ever so white and his cap pushed backwards on his swooshy hair. His warm eyes glowed in the neon light of the garage.

He really didn’t highlight his appeal, with those large hoodies and silly high socks he wore all the time, but he still was undeniably attractive. Not only he was good looking, but his good mood was contagious when it was genuine, which made it easy for people to enjoy being around him.  
That was especially true for the ones who were closer to him, and could tell the difference between his real happy self and the one who he used as a mask sometimes.  
This affected Luke the most, because of how well he knew Alex. There were these times where Alex appeared to him in a rather unique light. He got lost, mind empty, vacantly admiring his beauty.  
That was one of those times.

Resting casually on the sofa, Reggie was excitedly jamming at Alex’s solo. He cheered playfully when it ended, then turned around to share his appreciation with Luke, sitting on the armrest beside him, while Alex engaged a creative chat with Julie.   
Luke was hugging his guitar like a teddy bear, so dreamily rapt in contemplating the drummer’s charm he didn’t even notice Reggie’s gaze searching for his attention.

"Woah." The base guitarist let out, awakening the friend from his trance.  
"What?" He asked, coming back to reality.  
"Uhm," Reggie shook his head. "nevermind."  
"Nope." Luke laid his guitar’s bottom on the floor and rested his hands lightly on top of it. "You said woah. Woah what?"

Reggie considered lying, but was pretty sure Luke would have known right away. He was a terrible liar, whilst Luke was extremely good at catching falsity.

"Just," he kept his tone low, making sure the drummer couldn’t hear him over Julie’s voice. "the way you were watching Alex."  
Luke winced, defensive. "What way?"

"Well, you know, like you used to." It was all Reggie could think of to describe it. The truth was Luke had always done that. Since he’d first met Alex, he’d always felt different about him but didn’t notice for a long time. Those episodes didn’t change while they were dating, and they kept happening after their break up too. He had just made an effort not to let it show.  
He swallowed. Evidently, he had been relaxing since things were going so well between them, but he needed to avoid his guard from slipping.

"I was just listening." He lied, suddenly darkening.

"You still get gloomy about it." Reggie noticed, concerned. "You sure you’re okay?"

"About what?" He answered with a question. He didn’t like to lie, but didn’t want to tell Reggie the truth.

"I don’t know," Reggie pretended he was saying the first thing that came up to him. "about Willie?"

For a second, what remained of Luke’s cool facade instantly died out, leaving his feelings completely naked for the blink of an eye. The abrupt mood skip made Reggie shiver.

"Why shouldn’t I?" Luke asked, in a scratching low tone. Then immediately got a hold of himself, blinking. He patted Reggie’s shoulder lightly, putting on a wholesome smile. "I’m happy for him."

The pretence was so well built even Reggie would have fallen for it if he hadn’t seen that expression seconds before. He studied the friend’s features, looking for signs that he was lying. That worried him the most: Luke was always so cheerful, when it was fake you wouldn’t have known.  
But even Luke was human.  
He could pretend as long as people believed his little act, but wavered as soon as he saw Reggie hesitate. His confident smile faltered, his eyes sold him out.

"Dude…" Reggie began, but Luke wasn’t going to let him inside. He let go of his shoulder, hiding his gaze.

"I am." He stated, almost too loud. Lucky thing Alex was in a good mood that day; Julie’s ranting about rapping on that solo was completely cutting him out of their conversation. "I’m glad he’s moving on, and I’m glad he found someone. Willie will make him happier than I could ever do."

When he was just about to reply, Reggie was cut short by Alex himself, calling out for them.  
"Hey, guys! We should really try this out." He encouraged, and looked at Julie to let her explain proudly the ideas they had come up with.  
"Sounds great." Said Luke, jumping off the couch and wearing his guitar’s shoulder strap.

Reggie couldn’t find any excuse to disagree, considering he as well found the proposal interesting. He had to put his worry aside for the moment, and decided he’d tried to clear things up later.

It took them about two hours to realize the brilliant idea was a complete dead end. It’s not a rare thing in music, so they didn’t really make a fuss about it.

"Oh, I wrote some lines I’d like to show you, Luke." Julie called while she headed out the garage. "Wanna take a look?"  
She pointed outside, probably meaning she had the papers in the dream box in her room. If at first the boys weren’t even allowed to know what was in there, now it wasn’t unusual for them to even put things inside. It had become their lyrics box, and some country verse would pop up at times, as a gift from Reggie.  
"Sure." Luke trotted behind her like a baby, making her chuckle.

Reggie breathed out a laugh, shaking his head lightly while he laid his base on its pedestal. As he got back up, he felt a shy touch on his shoulder; he turned around, lifting his brows.

"Hey, Reg." Alex was nervously standing behind him, scratching the back of his head. "Uhm, has Luke told you anything, recently?"

Surprised by that question, Reggie thought Alex may have overheard their earlier conversation. He almost hoped he did, so he didn’t have to keep Luke’s state from him. "Why, what’s wrong with Luke?" He babbled, evidently hiding something.

Instantly reatreating, Alex ostented relief, as if he was afraid Reggie would have thought he was being paranoid. "No, uhm, nothing, I was going to ask you." He then stopped for a second and became serious, considering Luke’s wellness was more important than hiding his anxiety.

"He just seemed a bit off today." He started. "Well, lately, actually."

Reggie was impressed. He had thought to himself multiple times that afternoon how good Luke was at pretending everything was fine. He hadn’t known a thing before that conversation. If Alex had noticed, their connection really was something.

"Nope." He lied, knitting his brows together. "He didn’t tell me anything."  
"Oh." Alex seemed pretty desolate, squeezing his sticks in both hands for some support. "I see."

Now, Reggie was a good friend. He was the best friend one could wish for, in fact, and that often ended up troubling him, having to choose between loyal or right.  
In that case, as in most actually, he had no real power over himself as he chose to do the right thing, sacrificing his loyalty to Luke.

"Oh, okay!" He snapped, as if he had been pressured. "I can’t lie." He hauled his arms around fighting against himself, then finally spat the words out, directly to a very confused Alex’s face.

"He’s jealous, Alex!" He exclaimed. "He’s jealous about Willie."

As soon as he finished the sentence, he shut his mouth with a hand, regretting his weakness wildly. Hardly any other choice of words would have been worse.  
He looked at Alex with his eyes widened, expecting him to burst in anger from a second to another. He knew Alex hated it when Luke lied. When he hid his feelings, even though Alex did that himself, and especially when he couldn’t figure out what he was hiding.

Instead, Alex stared at him, mouth half open and unblinking eyes.  
"He’s jealous." Alex repeated, as to ask for confirmation. "Of Willie."

Reggie carefully nodded, still waiting for the drummer to explode. "He thinks you’ll be happier with Willie than you could ever be with him."

Alex breathed a nervous laugh out, then started storming around in the limited space between the drums and the coffee table. He looked like he would’ve jumped over whatever one of the two in moments.

"Seriously?" He muttered, a full tone higher than his usual voice. "Happier with him…" He repeated, ironic, as he buried his hands in his hair, then he glanced at Reggie again, like he was going to throw a stick to him. The boy backed half a step. "I’ve been happier in the months I’ve spent with Luke, than in the rest of my whole life summed up together." He shouted, and Reggie considered to himself that could have been a very sweet thought, if he hadn’t pronounced it like it was a death threat.

Eventually, Alex exhaled violently, letting himself fall down on the ground. "God, I want to punch him."  
He rustled, looking emptily at the floor.

Reggie waited a few seconds, until he considered it safe to go sit next to him.  
He didn’t really say or do anything for a while, leaving Alex the time to calm down a little, but he made him feel someone was close.

"I don’t know if I should say this." He mumbled after a minute. "But would it be so crazy to think that most of the problems you guys had are gone, now that, you know, we’re dead?" Alex let out a loud sigh, and Reggie panicked. "Jeez, I’m sorry Alex, I didn’t mean to-"

"No, it’s alright." The drummer interrupted, shaking his head helplessly. He was incredibly calm now, he probably had consumed all of his energy to kick air around. "And it’s not like I didn’t think about it already, too."

Alex’s revelation made Reggie see some spark of hope. He gazed at the drummer, but Alex kept his look hidden between his feet.

It didn’t matter how many times Alex told himself that, speaking logic, all the issues that had led them to fall apart were now solved forever. His heart didn’t speak Logic. It spoke fluent Anxiety, a pretty good Fear, and had reminescies of Getting Hurt.

"Listen," Reggie tried. "I think it’s like a shop window."

That definitely made Alex raise his head. He eyed Reggie with furrowed brows, confusion overcoming his bad mood.

"I mean," the boy tried his best to put together a sensed explanation, gesturing blatantly with his hands. "you know when you’re trying to read a price, written super small, on something that is in a shop window? And the object looks so close but it’s actually pretty far and so you get closer and closer but you still need to watch out for the glass, cause it’s so transparent you might end up hitting it with your forehead."

Alex didn’t move a muscle, trying to add with his brain some punctuation to Reggie’s jabbering.

"I’m sorry. I’m not as good as Luke with metaphors. But I think it’s the same for you guys." Reggie concluded. "You’re like, really close, but tend to get closer, but you need to avoid getting too close, but you don’t have to drift apart either. So you struggle to keep yourselves in that range, and I think that would be hard for whoever, because that’s not what you want."

Staring at Reggie with desperately concerned eyes, Alex looked on the verge of tears for the completely wrong reason. Reggie returned his preoccupied look, hoping he’d grasped the overall sense.

Alex let his head fall down between his knees, hopeless.

"I can’t believe I actually relate to that."


	3. Chapter 3

Hollywood always shined of a different light.

Walking on the main street, filled in tourists and actors in costumes, was fascinating, no matter how many times the boys had seen it already. That was the dream, after all.

When they were alive, they used to hang out there sometimes, to pump themselves up before a gig, or just to remember what their goal was.

That place always put them in high spirits, which was exactly what made Luke sure of the suspect he’d had for the whole morning: something was bothering Alex.

Of course, it wasn’t so obvious. Alex was currently laughing lightheartedly at Reggie’s skating attempt, while Willie desperately tried to keep the boy on his feet.  
To whoever, Alex would have looked perfectly untroubled and joyful, but Luke could see something was wrong. He saw it in the back of his eyes, a little dark spark peering from behind his irises, so small only someone who was paying a very clear attention would have noticed.

"Okay, man, we should probably stop for today." Willie carefully collected his skateboard from Reggie’s hands, hoping he would stop challenging his afterlife immortality.

"Okay, fine, but I was starting to get a hold of it." Reggie pointed at the skate with finger guns, just to make sure they were bros now.

"Reg." Luke called, patting on his back. He pointed at the theater a few buildings away. "You know, I think I saw some Star Wars cosplayers walk in there, think there might be a convention?" 

The bassist’s eyes glowed, and he instantly forgot about the skate. "Really?" He grabbed Alex’s arm in his frenesy, and the drummer looked concerned. "Let’s go see!"

Before Alex could complain, he was being dragged away towards the cinema’s posters. Luke did see a Star Wars one among the others, but was pretty sure it was about some merchandise. All he needed was for the two friends to get away for a moment, and was sure Reggie was going to take Alex with himself. He always did, as if he were scared to get too far on his own.

When Willie moved to follow them, breathing a laugh, Luke grabbed his arm lightly.  
"Wait." He waited for the skater to turn around, shaking his head in confusion. Luke cleared his throat, trying to sound as little alarming as he could. "I… need to talk to you."

Willie glanced at his back, to check that the others were far enough, then nodded reluctantly. "Sure, go on."

Luke mashed his hands together, slightly nervous. He knew for sure Alex had a crush on Willie, and it was quite plain to see that Willie liked him back too. The last he wanted was to get between them, but if Alex was feeling down, he couldn’t help but think Willie had something to do with it.

"Uhm, how…" He gestured confusingly in the space between them, then stopped suddenly when he noticed Willie’s attention was being dragged away by his hands. "How are things between you and Alex going?"

Willie’s eyes widened. "Woah. What?"

Suddenly realizing the stupidity of his words, Luke winced. "No, I-I mean, since you guys hang out often, I was wondering if you know what’s bothering him. He’s been like this since yesterday, and I know he’s seen you recently, so…"

He let the rest of the sentence float, because he had already asked the question. Willie seemed surprised, though, and lifted a brow.  
"Why, what’s wrong with him?" He asked, hugging his skate and raising his shoulders. He looked genuinely worried, which made Luke feel jealous, then guilty, and at the same time glad.

"Well, I don’t know, that’s why I asked you." There was no way Luke could know the reason Alex was off was Luke himself. The drummer thought he had been acting completely normal, after his breakdown with Reggie, underestimating Luke’s capability to read through him. "But it’s obvious something troubles him."

It wasn’t. Willie’s spirits suddenly fell, aware that he hadn’t known a thing. Even now that Luke was telling him, thinking about how Alex had been behaving, he couldn’t see anything suspicious or unusual. But something in Luke’s eyes made him sure he wasn’t just ranting.

"I… didn’t notice." Willie admitted, with a surrendering tone.

Luke’s expression changed abruptly, realizing on the spot the terrible position he had put Willie in. He really thought it was evident, so he’d given for granted that the skater had seen it too.

"Oh." He got nervous again, trying to fix what he had messed up. He couldn’t find the right words, so he lastly decided to ignore it, hoping that would make it less important to Willie. "Well, anyway, could you talk to him?"

Willie furrowed his brow, so Luke hastened to explain, making sure not to make him feel like he was missing something obvious again. "You know, cause letting it out would probably make him feel better, but I don’t think he’d tell you on his own-"

"No, I mean," Willie checked behind his shoulder again. Reggie was trying to convince Alex to get inside, despite having seen the merchandise poster. "why me. You noticed, so it would just feel right for you to talk to him. If he doesn’t want to share, maybe you’ll get something more out of it, too."

Luke kicked the air, uncomfortable.  
"I only noticed because I’ve known him for lots of time. I think he’d rather talk to you, now."

Willie considered insisting. That short little conversation had made him realize more than he could have thought, but actually he had probably always known. He couldn’t compete with Luke, and it was almost reassuring how much he didn’t feel negative about it.

"Okay, then." He said in the end. "Sure, there’s no problem with me."

"What? Why?"

He really was good.

For as closely Willie was now looking for signs of Alex being off, he couldn’t see them. Even when he asked him directly what was wrong, he couldn’t see through his pretence.

But despite that, he didn’t think that Luke might have been wrong, not even for a second. He only felt outdone, second, and serenely accepted that position.

"Listen," he finally decided on saying to a pretty concerned Alex. "Luke noticed something was off with you. He asked me to talk to you, but I really think you should talk to him instead."

Alex looked surprised at first. Then pissed, and then he just sighed, like he was angry at Luke for knowing him so well, but then again, it was Luke.

"How long have you known each other?" Willie asked, like the earlier conversation had been erased.

Alex looked at him puzzled, then he decided maybe it was best for him to ignore it as well. Willie’s tone was friendly and safe, and Alex smiled at him.

"I was thirteen when I first met him." He just said, his imagination wildly running through his memories from that day like he wasn’t standing in Hollywood, 2020, anymore, but he was back in that weirdly smelling garage, in 1991.

A kid in school that morning, one he had only seen around the hallways, had stopped by at lunch to talk to him. He was so white and small he looked like a ten year old, with his blushy cheeks and his puppy smile, but he was wearing a leather jacket that fitted him perfectly. He’d told him his band was looking for a drummer, and knew he played. Alex always carried his sticks with himself, so it was quite obvious.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to go; he was shy, and isecure, but decided to give it a try at last.

When he entered the garage, though, he was greeted with good music and friendly smiles. The boy he had spoken to, the bassist, was extremely outgoing, and Alex didn’t take long to get comfortable around him. The second guitarist was nice too, maybe a bit too confident for Alex’s bashful self.

But the lead singer, he was special.

At that time, Alex wasn’t even out to himself. But he was definitely into guys. Better yet, Luke was possibly the one who made him realize it.

He was a kid too, but he was pretty much just the same as four years later. Easy-going, driven, understanding, with an angel voice and killer style. All it took was one smile, a friendly ‘hey, I’m Luke’, and Alex was head over heels for him.

The childish crush only lasted a few weeks. It faded as Alex got to know him. It disappeared, replaced by a more mature feeling. Soon enough Alex realized he actually liked Luke, a lot, but was pretty okay with being his best friend.

If anybody would have told him, back then, that one day in their sixteens Luke would have held his hand on his beating heart, nervous as a cat, telling Alex he was the one who made it rush, he would never have believed.

Alex smiled blushily to himself as he got lost in memories, then suddenly remembered where he was.

"Sorry." He shook the scraps of past out of his head.

Willie smiled at him, having all the answers he was looking for. "It’s okay. But I was right, you should talk to him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't find the right asset to actually show it in the story, but this is the kind of arc I imagined for Luke and Julie as well, in which she realizes Luke's feelings are stronger towards Alex, and is okay with it.


	4. You should be angry at them

Alex was sitting at the drums, twisting a stick in his hands as his life depended on it. He stared at it with empty eyes, like he wasn’t actually seeing it. The wood swirled across his fingers, from one hand to the other, with incredible speed.  
Reggie was staring, amazed, but Luke was more worried about the expression on the drummer’s face. It was plain and distant, but his eyes were watery and reddish.

Eventually, his fingers lost track of the stick, and it was shot all the way till the opposite wall. Reggie had to dodge it.  
Alex only realized he was missing weight on his hands a few seconds later, and came back to reality, blinking. Thick tears rolled quickly down his cheeks when he did, as it happens when you get your eyes stuck on something for too long.

"Hey, uhm, you okay?" Luke tried approaching with the softer touch he could, moving half a step closer to him. His hand lifted to reach for Alex’s shoulder, but he hesitated. He was never comfortable around upset people, partly because he felt like he wasn’t empathetic enough to help. He was afraid he’d say the wrong thing.

"Yeah, man." Reggie, on the contrary, was quite good at understanding people. Not things, he sucked at understanding things, but he cracked people pretty easily, without really noticing. "What’s up?" He asked, casually picking the stick up. The head was chopped, and the whole length was ruined. "Whoops."

Alex looked at both of them for a moment, looking like he didn’t even recognize them, then he shook his head and sucked air in, wiping the tears away with one hand. He shoved the other through his hair, raised his eyebrows and grabbed the second stick, which was resting on one of the drums. He lifted it, so the guys could see that one was broken too, then let it fall back on the leather.

"Oh." Reggie commented. He threw the stick on the couch, then did the same with himself. "So, what happened?"

Alex shrugged, tapping absentmindedly on the wooden side of the drum with his index fingers. "Nothing."

Reggie and Luke shared a look, then the guitarist hopped closer to him, the drumset between them. He leaned forward over it and laid both his hands on the center drum, so that Alex could see them even without raising his eyes.

"Hey." He breathed out, and nothing more. He mimicked a kick with his finger, hitting Alex’s lightly.

That cramped contact was enough to make Alex comfortable, and listened to. He raised his head slowly, his blond thin hair hiding half of both his eyes.  
He looked at Luke for a second, uncertain, then gazed at Reggie, waiting on the sofa. Finally, he sighed heavily and straightened his back. Luke stepped back too, his goal reached, and fell on the chair behind him.

"I went to the pier today." He introduced, and that was enough for the guys to get the concept. "I saw them."

"Woah, buddy," Reggie gazed at Luke for consent on his words, then leaned forward, crossing his arms on his knees. "had you never gone back yet?"

Alex sighed again. "I thought I didn’t want to."

He wasn’t actually sure he had changed his mind. Or rather, he probably hadn’t.

Since they had become ghosts, Alex had spent lots of time wondering if he really didn’t need to check on his parents, concluding that not only it didn’t feel necessary: it would have been better not to. It would only have brought bad memories back.  
His recent conversation with Willie, though, and his increasing worry for Luke, had led his feet to the pier without even realizing. Even now, he still didn’t fully understand why.

Truth was, he couldn’t think of his past with Luke without thinking of the cause of their breakup, which apart from all the things they had left unsaid, had been his parents, and the fact that he couldn’t get himself to tell them who he really was.  
When he finally did, it was too late. He had been right all along, though, cause they didn’t understand, but he’d grown resigned about it way faster than he would have thought. Sure, the look of total disappointment in his mother’s eyes and his father’s disapproval completely broke him at first, but then he realized he had another family that loved him just the way he was.

Unlike him, who could never forgive them was Luke.

Moving frantically his foot up and down, Luke thought feverishly of something to say, something that wouldn’t sound as pissed as he actually was.  
To him, the fact that Alex was sad because of them again after twentyfive years added up to their unacceptable behavior back in the 90s. It was yet another reason for him to hate them.

He tried to keep his mouth shut.

"What were they doing?" Reggie asked, to keep him out of the conversation.

"Nothing, pretty much." Alex recalled the memory, as brief and empty as it was. "They were out on a walk. My mom was reading a brochure about, uhm, boat trips? Dad was just avoiding her from hitting a tree."

Reggie nodded, short for words. It was obvious that twentyfive years later their loved ones wouldn’t be crying over them anymore. But for them, it hadn’t been so long. They had just lost them. It felt weird, and cold, that they had moved on already.

"I don’t even know what I expected, after all." Alex added, spreading his fingers in the air. "It’s not like I would rather seeing them thinking of me, anyways." He hesitated. "I’m not even sure they would be as sad I’d like them to be."

He seemed to realize his words soon after spilling them, and cracked a grimace. "Not that I would like them to suffer, obviously, just- "

"They should." Luke finally won over his forced silence, or failed in his try to keep his thoughts for himself. "Suffer."

His foot had stopped moving, and his look was stuck on the ground. It seemed like the parquet had very badly insulted him, and he was considering punching it.

Alex’s breath remained suspended for a second, thinking of an appropriate reaction to that statement. He couldn’t find one, or probably he was too tired to, so he just let out a sigh again. "Look, I know you can’t stand them, and I’m not their greatest fan either, but it’s been twenty-five years. They’re my parents, I can’t just keep ignoring their existence."

"No, you shouldn’t." Luke agreed, standing up and stumping his feet around impatiently. "You should be angry at them, not feel sorry for them."

He turned to face the drummer, foaming pout on his lips and ablazed spark in his eyes. He pointed his index finger to him, choleric. "You are the one who died, Alex." He then turned his back on him, like he couldn’t stand the eye contact anymore. "They’re just the ones who made you feel wrong."

Alex couldn’t speak a word. It was always like that, for them. It was Alex who passed as the emotional one, but actually he was always very measured. And that would send Luke nuts. Even when it wasn’t about him, he would end up feeling emotions that were supposed to be Alex’s. Mostly, rage. And when that happened, Alex could never find the way to stop him, because he knew he was right.

He was aware, not too deep inside, that he actually was angry, and disappointed, and annoyed. But he didn’t externate those emotions. It’s not like he was hiding them. He didn’t know how to let them out, and didn’t really feel the urge to.

He also felt guilty, because he knew Luke was hurting in his place. Alex thought there was a way to fix that: he had to tell Luke everything. To be completely transparent with him, to show him he was coping in his own way, and that he wasn’t trying to keep anything inside. But doing that was scary.

It’s the best feeling to know that someone has your back. That, no matter what, they’ll understand, and support you. Luke could be that person to Alex, he actually would’ve liked to, but he was missing a piece. There was a thin layer of Alex that he wasn’t allowed into, even with how deeply they knew each other.  
He wasn’t allowed there, because it was too frightening for Alex to be truly open, nude and vulnerable, even if it was Luke.

For his part, Luke could feel something was missing, and for how much he tried to help Alex, he could never fully understand him, and that was terribly frustrating.

The stronger the emotions, the more frustrated Luke would feel, the more Alex would blame himself. This dynamic was what ruined them.

Alex stood up. He walked round the drums, with the intention of getting close to Luke, but stopped. He found his feet wouldn’t get him any further.  
"Even with that," he murmured, "I can’t help it."

It was Reggie’s turn to stand up, in order to break the heavy silence that had been created. He searched for something to say that would both calm Luke down and not hurt Alex, moving his hands in the air nervously.

"It’s normal!" He called out, talking to Luke’s back. Then he soothed his tone out and spoke to Alex, pleasantly. "It’s normal to have mixed feelings about it. Perhaps you just need to think it through. Maybe going back to the pier, or, or even home. You can’t really meet them, but you might figure out how you feel about them."

The slight cracking at the back of Reggie’s voice hurt both the guys.

They knew Reggie would’ve loved to be able to do that, to go see his family, how they were doing, to know what it would have felt like, seeing them again after all that time. But he didn’t know where they ended up. All he knew was the home he’d grown up inside didn’t exist anymore.  
There was no way they could keep up the fight with that in mind.

Luke’s back puffed as he inhaled deeply. He turned around and smaked a pat on Reggie’s shoulder, before throwing himself on the couch. The base guitarist sighed with relief and fell right next to him. He had always hated it when they argued. He already was the son of a quarreling couple, and that was more than enough to him.

While he breathed calmly, following the wood lines on the floor with his look, Alex and Luke met eyes. They talked silently, without actually meaning to say anything. They told each other they were feeling sorry.

They didn’t apologize, though, they never did; Luke had too much pride, Alex too much fear. But they never stayed angry: they knew when they were fighting, they did because they cared, and they both were mad at themselves, not at the other.

They agreed they would pause, for Reggie’s sake, and eventually clear the whole thing out afterwards.

"C’mon." Said Luke, not more than a minute later. He jumped off the sofa and grabbed his six strings.

"Let’s rock it out."


	5. You're worth it

"Still tryna have an actual conversation with Ray?"

"Yup. He really enjoys it, apparently."

Alex wondered if it really was healthy for Reggie to keep talking to someone who didn’t even know he existed.

He had other things to fix, at the moment.

He watched Luke in silence as he hopped down the brickwork, Vans squeaking on the wet grass. Alex waited for him to sit down next to him, and to adjust his position until he was comfortable. At last, when he was ready, Luke turned his head to the side and met eyes with him.

Alex wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but everytime they looked at each other they couldn’t help but talk. Since they used no words, it was hard for him to control what he was saying, what he was letting him know. And since Luke was the one trying to read, he was a bit harder to be read.

They spent a few more minutes like that, without making a sound, dangling their feet off the wall, hardly any inch above the ground.  
Finally, Luke inhaled loudly, and turned to face the sun in front of him while exhaling. Only then, free of the spell Luke’s eyes casted on him, Alex could look away, but still didn’t.  
It was just too much beauty not to savour it.

With his eyelids down resting, Luke’s lashes almost looked blond in the golden light, and his profile was just like a bronze statue. Alex couldn’t blame himself for falling for him instantly, when they’d met.  
Alex immediately hid his look when Luke turned back to him, then met his eyes again, shily.

"Let’s go." Luke said, out of the blue, and jumped off the brickwork.

Alex studied his encouraging figure as Luke put gallantly out a hand for him to grab. "Where?"

Luke didn’t answer. He gazed at his hand for a second, prompting him to take it, then just looked at him intensely.  
In that look, there was nothing to read.

Alex raised his hand, but hesitated in mid air. Luke didn’t move. He didn’t grab him, didn’t pressure him, he didn’t even change a shade in his gaze, which Alex was comforted by. He finally grasped Luke’s hand, and they poofed away.

When they reappeared, Alex was standing on a clear white driveway, somewhere the yellow sunset light hadn’t reached yet.

Luke had brought him home.

Well, at least, at his parents’ house. It hadn’t been “home” in quite a while, to him.

"I know I’m not supposed to be the one upset at your parents, and that I should just support you if you’ve decided to forgive them." Luke shrugged, avoiding eye contact as he moved anxiously on his feet. Alex had to search for his gaze, tilting his head to the side to catch it. He didn’t know what to say, so he needed him to see how he was feeling. Luke seemed quite surprised by it, like he’d expected him to be angry, or pissed. Instead, Alex was really grateful.

The guitarist quickly looked away, and mouthed emptily a couple times looking for words. He scratched the back of his head nervously.

"I didn’t want you to believe you’re obliged to feel like I think you should." He explained, embarrassed by his inability to express what he meant. Then he locked his eyes back with Alex’s, and showed him all the pain he was feeling, sincerely and with no filter. Caught by surprise with it, Alex almost couldn’t take it.

"I made that mistake once already." Luke stated. "But you’re too much of a good person to feel the way I do."

Alex felt his eyes piercing with tears. He couldn’t believe those words. Him? A better person? He wished he had half the virtues Luke was born with. He wished he could even dream of being strong enough to be the anchor Luke had been for him.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, completely astonished. Luke found the strength to picture a smile, but it died out almost instantly, leaving an amount of melancholy Alex didn’t think could fit in someone’s heart.

As he tried to talk keeping his voice taut, Luke’s lip had a throb, which he clearly tried to bite down. He hadn’t planned to get this emotional, and definitely didn’t want to, but he was losing control.

"I’ve done all wrong, Alex." He blurted out, red circles starting to form around his eyes. "I shouldn’t have pushed you like that."

Luke had brought that up with absolutely no context, but Alex got it right away.  
Luke was now, 2020, facing his regret for what happened in 1994.

And Alex couldn’t help but be completely disarmed by Luke’s frankness and remorse, with such suddency, and he felt stinging guilt stab his chest.  
He tried to get a hold of words, forcing himself to act comforting when really he was hearing his heart pounding deafeningly in every inch of his body. "Y-you just tried to lead me to the right thing, Luke, you were caring for me."

"No," Luke was clenching at his own jeans’ fabric with restless fingers. "no, I should have waited for you, I should have put my stupid fake confidence aside and let you time to choose in peace, and whatever your decision was gonna be…" he breathed in, shaky, and a tear rolled down his cheek when he blinked. "I should have supported it, and reassured you, and instead, perfectly knowing how harsh it was on you, I still pressured you, til we cracked."

"Luke-"

"And I was so stupid, not seeing that waiting for you even for an entire lifetime would have still been worth it!"

He made a full turn on himself, incapable of keeping his feet still, letting his hands fly around his body as if he were trying to keep the emotions away like hideous flies.

"You’re worth it Alex, that’s why I get so angry at your folks, that’s why I can’t let you not see how awful they were, it’s because I’ve done the same! I’ve been awful, you should blame me!" He faced Alex, leaning forward like he was bowing to him, his arms spread. 'Judge me, I deserve it.'

"You should blame me, Alex." He repeated, while Alex looked for any word to speak at all. It was almost as if he was begging for it, like he needed to be blamed, so that he could then be forgiven, and forgive himself.  
"You’re worth every sneaking out the window, every hidden kiss, every tear."

Unable to respond in any appropriate way through words, Alex reacted in the only way he could think of: he shook his head in disbelief and pulled Luke in a hug, as tight as he could, until he felt him coughing air out lightly.

"Don’t think that." He said. He knew it was stupid, you can’t ask to stop believing something, but it was the only thing that made sense to him in that moment. "That’s not true, so don’t think that."

He just stayed like that, and squeezed harder when he noticed Luke was starting to pull away. He wouldn’t let him go, not anymore.

They had hugged like this once.

They were still dating at the time, but they were starting to fall apart already. Luke thought the only way for Alex to be happy, and free, was coming out to his parents, and Alex agreed, but was too scared. He didn’t want to tell Luke, though. He didn’t want to let him know the only reason he was not doing it was because he wasn’t as brave as him. So Luke tried to press him into it, thinking a little push was all it took, and just like same charged particles being forced together, eventually they blew off.

That night, they had just blown off.

They had had the worst fight of their lives. They’d screamed, shouted things none of them believed. They’d hurt and been hurt. They were completely wrecked, weeping and sobbing, and feeling their end was hiding in their shadows. They didn’t want it to end, they just wanted the pain to stop.  
And the only remedy they knew for that, ironically, was one another.

So they hugged, like they were doing now, as tight as their arms and chests allowed, hoping maybe, if they clenched hard enough, their matching charge wouldn’t drift them apart.

It only worked for one night. Their last night.

They slept together, embraced and cuddling, on the couch in the garage. They whispered sweet words in each other’s ear, they met lips a couple times, until they both fell asleep. It was sunrise already, when that happened. The sunlight woke them up, not more than a couple hours later, and without further talking they just knew that was how they ended.  
They didn’t want it to end, but they wanted the pain to stop.

Hugging Luke now, in that same way, felt very much different to Alex. He wasn’t trying to make his own pain stop, but Luke’s. He didn’t want to prevent something from ending, but he was ending something that never really did.

Luke was hugging him back now, burying his face into Alex’s shoulder. He could feel his tears making his pink hoodie soggy, and didn’t mind.  
"I should have told you this before." Alex muttered, behind Luke’s back. "You were right. When I finally came clear, I made it thanks to you. And I may have lost my parents’ approval, but I gained so much in return. You wanted that for me, and I’m so grateful for that."

"I’m so sorry." Luke hummed, half muffled by Alex’s sweater, but his voice wasn’t broken anymore. It was soft, and sleepy, and it felt distensing.

"I am." Alex replied, as gently as he could. "I knew you were hurting because I let you think it was your fault, but I didn’t know how much."

This time, Luke didn’t say anything. He exhaled deeply against Alex’s shoulder, making it warm, and the drummer smiled. If they weren’t standing, they’d have fallen asleep.


	6. Morning

They didn’t have a clue of how much time had passed when they finally let go.

Their immortal legs felt numb, and Luke was starting to miss air in his personal corner of Alex’s chest.

When they looked each other in the face, they were both smiling, filled with new, fresh energy.

Luke hopped backwards a little bit, just to feel the blood circulating through his legs again. Alex rotated his shoulders.

"So? Wanna go inside?" Luke asked, quite humorously for one who had been weeping in regret since just a bit ago.

Alex gazed at the house, hesitantly. Then he looked at Luke, in his renovated smirk, sleeveless washed out tank, and awfully matched blue jeans.

"Only if you’re coming with me."

Alex mixed a few papers on the table casually, then put them back in place. His parents wouldn’t have noticed anyways, but he was a tidy guy.

"This place hasn’t changed in the slightest." He commented. "Still empty. Still cold."

"I find it quite fancy." Luke debated. He was swirling round the room, as he often did in new places, moving random objects by just a few inches, probably just to bother. Or maybe he just couldn’t stand still. "Much white, much light." He ticked a couple fingers on the window, which covered the whole wall.

"You don’t like fancy stuff." Alex noted. Luke smiled at him with sharp complicity, as if he was expecting the drummer to point that out. Alex shook his head, hiding his delight as the boy kept on messing around in the kitchen.

He pirouetted through the arc, moving to the living room. The space was pretty much identical, maybe even emptier and whiter. A large screen was lonely inserted in a complex shelves arrangement; a large couch was lonely positioned a few feet distant from the window-wall.

"D’you remember?" Luke asked, as he hopped around in the free space, consumed Vans whizzing on the parquet. "My birthday, I got in a fight with my mom and took flight. I asked you to just spend the day at the garage, but you told me there was no way you were letting me be homeless on my birthday. So you brought me here."

"Of course I remember." Alex breathed a laugh, shrugging with his hands down inside his pockets. "I was so excited I could actually get you in here from the front door, and not from my room’s window."

"Yeah, cause your folks weren’t home." Finally finding some peace, Luke stopped his frenetic exploration of the house. He stood a few feet from Alex, and his distant look focused on his eyes. "You told me even though you didn’t consider this house “home”, just a couch would be home-y enough, if it were with me."  
The guitarist’s gaze was calling Alex closer, and he obeyed. He was enjoying that moment, both the present one and the past they were recalling. He moved bouncy steps towards Luke, as he backed up.

"Then you sat on the armrest, like this." Luke shifted backwards until his hip hit the sofa’s arm. He rested lightly on it, without taking his eyes off Alex. "All proud and red."

"Yeah, yeah." Alex conceded, shoving his hands out his pockets slowly. "And you approached me like this, gleamy eyes and shaky hands." He moved a couple more steps ‘til he could reach the armrest with his fingers, circling Luke with his arms. He adhered to Luke’s body completely, sliding between his swankly spread legs nonchalantly.

"Exaggerated." Luke commented, unable to assemble a full sentence.

Alex’s hands moved delicately from the white leather to Luke’s washed jeans, then to his ACDC sleeveless tee, and finally found their place on the connection spot between the two. His mind blank, his heart relaxed.

Yes, both of them remembered what came next.

Luke’s fingers ran across Alex’s blond tidy hair, as their lips mashed and complied with one another’s. It was a slow, deep kiss, and it involved their whole bodies.

"Uhm," so close their lips still brushed on each other, Luke tried his best to form a sentence. "we probably shouldn’t."

"Yeah." Alex agreed, but he didn’t move. "Probably." He whispered, before kissing him again.

None of them actually willed to shift away, and even if they had wanted, they weren’t sure they had any chance to win over the magnetic force that kept them close.

Alex gently pushed Luke against the armrest, until eventually he dragged him down on the couch, helping himself with his elbows to climb backwards. They laid down peacefully, chest to chest; their breath mixing up, their hands floating around their bodies with silk touch.

Luke managed to find an opening in Alex’s hoodie, and ran his fingers high and low across his bare back, giving him goosebumps. So in response, Alex sneaked a hand up Luke’s abdomen, rising the tee ‘til he got it past his head, and it fell on the ground. Alex’s hand was big enough to cover the whole surface of Luke’s abs.

Alex moved more comfortably, adjusting his tall body to hide his face into Luke’s neck line. He brushed his lips all over his throat, up to his ear, down to his collarbone. He left marks, he didn’t care about repercussions anymore. With Luke’s hands buried inside his hair, he lowered to kiss his torso. He drew every line, Luke’s breath getting heavier and noisier whenever he touched a sensible spot. He sat astride Luke’s thighs, holding his sides in his hands tightly as he lowered to kiss his V line. He didn’t overstep the bound set by the jeans, perfectly aware of the expectation he was creating.

When he noticed Luke’s fingers were getting greedy, scratching softly all over his back and sinking in his shoulders, he let him shove his hoodie off, then raised back to his face. He brushed his chin gently with his thumb, establishing eye contact, dense of meaning. Detaching himself from Luke’s soft lips with one last smooch, Alex breathed out and rolled on the side, taking himself off of Luke’s body, partly. It had been so long since the last time they’d been like this with each other, and they had missed it.

Luke turned his head to face Alex, chest raising and falling back down again deeply.

"To believe people think you’re an angel." He breathed out, with a weak laugh.

Alex gazed at him, smirking cunningly before raising his weight on an elbow. He buried his face in Luke’s fit belly, blowing butterfly kisses on his stomach, making him chuckle lightly.

"You’re such a baby, Luke." He joked, as he raised his head a bit. "You still like belly kisses."

"Well maybe that’s because you’re so fucking cute." Luke replied, a smart, vicious smirk on his face.

In response, Alex blew a raspberry into Luke’s side, which made him giggle and instinctively move on the side to run from the tickle, turning his back to him.

But Alex didn’t intend to let the tension slip, and it had only been a pause meant to take Luke by surprise. He immediately pushed his body against Luke’s, restricting him gently between himself and the couch. His bare torso shove against Luke’s tonic back, giving him chills all over.

Luke breathed out a moan, which he suffocated right away; he’d been fooled. He wasn’t too disappointed, though, when Alex started gently chewing on his ear, biting the back of his neck and covering every inch of his back and shoulders with his mouth.

Once again, he reached the fabric limit, then came back up. Luke managed to win a deep kiss, his head hardly turned to the side to reach.

"Let me turn." He asked, with needy eyes but firm voice. "Let me turn."

Alex considered denying, but had mercy. He moved slightly to let Luke face him again, and that second of distraction got him.

Luke turned around slowly, then suddenly grabbed him tightly from the butt, pulling him even closer. He buried his tongue in his mouth and breathed heavily, manifesting his complaint for Alex’s games and stalling.

He waited for the drummer to accommodate his desire, kept sliding against him until he started seconding the movements.

He unzipped Alex’s jeans, pushing them down blindly. His impatience soon contagious, they were both naked and sweaty in seconds, sticking almost painfully to the white leather.  
They felt like melting.

When Luke opened his eyes, his visual only included a portion of Alex’s hair, golden and messy. He was breathing through it, inhaling peach shampoo scented air.

He regained consciousness a little at a time, starting from basic senses, and when it was touch’s turn he realized a series of things, one by one.

First, he noticed he wasn’t alone. Someone was with him, and he was hugging that someone, and it was Alex. Secondly, he felt the leather annoyingly glued to all of his body, which made him register that he was naked. Alex was too and his skin was definitely colder than Luke’s. Lastly, Alex was swirling a finger on Luke’s thigh, drawing slow and small circles.

Luke breathed in deeply, blond hair tickling his nose. "Morning."

Alex’s answer consisted in interrupting the circles, and ticking lightly on his skin a couple times. He adjusted a little, and Luke spread his arms to give him space. When he settled, with his face hidden in Luke’s neck, he surrounded him back again, protective. He stroked his back mildly with cold fingers.

A part of Luke’s brain shily presented him the consequences to what had occured that night, and he kindly refused to think about that. He had much better to do at the moment.

Unlike him, Alex, who had been awake for some time already, had wanted to deal with the problem as soon as it arised. Something very unusual had happened in his head: he’d told himself, with extreme conviction, to chill. He’d taken all of his anxieties, pushed them down into a drawer, and closed it. Then had thrown the dresser out the window, and closed that too.

He was completely at Luke’s mercy, and was more than okay with it.

There, on the couch he had grown on, hearing Luke’s heart pounding against his cheek, he felt that nothing could ever be worth giving that up. Whatever issue the present could come up with, he was certain he wouldn’t have chosen anything over him. Over them.

He slid the hand he was drawing with up along Luke’s side, til the back of his head, and rose his eyes. Luke met them, smiled fondly and kissed Alex delicately.

"Morning." He answered, knowing it was going to be the first of many times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy a huge thanks to whoever reached the end of this... I feel like there is so much I left out because it was going to interrupt the actual flow of the plot, but I hope y'all still enjoyed it!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey-o! Thanks a lot if you decided to stick till here. Please note that I'm not a native speaker, so let me know if there are some mistakes (or typos too) thanksss


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